‘Love’ is a ‘Seaside’ for Lana & Joan!

Lana Turner tussles with Hugh O’Brian in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.”
Joan Crawford & Jeff Chandler spar/spark in “Feminine on the Seaside.”

MGM grads Lana
Turner and Joan Crawford confronted latter day dilemmas discerning love from lust,
as cougars versus seashore boy toys, in Love
Has Many Faces
 
and
Feminine on the
Seaside.

Lana Turner as jaded Package Jordan in “Love Has Many Faces.” Cliff Robertson
as her 40-ish boy toy, to whom she’s married unhappily ever after.


Right here, these divas play powerful cookies with tons
of dough. In 1965’s Love, Turner
performs Package Jordan, the richest lady
on the planet. In 1955’s Seaside,
Crawford is Lynn Markham, former Las Vegas “specialty dancer” and widow of a
wealthy “enterprise man.” Each women are loaded (typically in each sense!) however
lonely. Lana’s Package cools her cha-cha heels in Acapulco, with seashore boys and a bevy
of Edith Head costumes. Package’s cool adjustments when her most up-to-date boy washes up
on shore, an obvious suicide. Joan’s Lynn decides to maneuver in to her late
husband’s California ocean entrance pad after the tenant dies mysteriously. “Love
is skinny ice,” as Lana’s parting jewellery present is inscribed, which describes each
of those sordid soaps.

Joan Crawford as Lynn Markham, in enterprise on prime/get together on backside seashore put on!
In “Feminine on the Seaside,” Lynn has a love/hate angle towards Jeff Chandler’s gigolo.


In Love Has Many Faces, Lana Turner was 43
throughout filming; co-cougars Ruth Roman and Virginia Gray have been 42 and 47. Lana
will get the super-glam therapy and was additionally the perfect preserved of the trio.
Nonetheless, they’re all handled like determined dames. What makes this extra absurd
is that seashore “boys” Cliff Robertson and Hugh O’ Brian have been 40 and 39.
Each had good physiques, particularly show-off O’ Brian, however they regarded a bit weathered
themselves.

Lana’s skinny, tan, and in mushy focus in “Love Has Many Faces!”

This “Feminine on the Seaside” desires you to know she’s nonetheless obtained it happening!


In Feminine on the Seaside, Joan Crawford is
the lone cougar, with 34-ish stud Jeff Chandler promoting his wares. Joan was on
the eve of turning 49 in the course of the Seaside
shoot—when you assume she was born in 1906. Crawford reveals off her taut determine at
each flip, at occasions touching herself for no obvious purpose. Whereas her
magnificent face is filmed very flatteringly, Joan’s insistence on her latter
day kabuki make-up negates the impact. Curiously, each Lana and Joan sport
very cropped hair-dos of their seashore soaps—to forestall bed-head?

No, your imaginative and prescient’s simply tremendous! Simply Lana getting some additional “Love” from the digicam man!
This “Feminine” is equally flatteringly photographed, however Joan’s make-up is an excessive amount of!


Stephanie Powers was age
21 throughout capturing of Love Has Many Faces.
She performs an harmless younger lady there to say the useless physique of her former
boyfriend, final seen as Lana’s newest seashore boy toy. The police and Powers need
to know if enjoyable couple Lana and Cliff had something to do with the younger man’s demise.
Powers is a wise good lady right here, so her Edith Head duds are a bit dowdy,
whereas Acapulco Lanita dazzles in her
playgirl get-ups. It’s implied that Robertson, a one-time seashore boy who married
sugar mama Lana, is age-appropriate for Powers, regardless that he was practically twice
her age in actual life.

Cub meets the cougar! Stephanie Powers & Lana Turner in “Love Has Many Faces.”
“Specialty dancer” meets the realtor! Joan Crawford & Jan Sterling, “Feminine on the Seaside.”


In Feminine on the Seaside, the one
competitors is the edgy realtor, Amy Rawlinson, performed by Jan Sterling, no
stranger to powerful broads. Jan’s sullen puss at all times jogged my memory of a imply
Marilyn Monroe. Watching Joan and Jan is among the many camp highlights of
this bitchy Seaside.

Shut-up on Lana

World weary Lana Turner, with dreary Cliff Robertson, in “Love Has Many Faces.”


The primary distinction
with Love Has Many Faces from
Turner’s different latter day soaps is that Lana goes from struggling in mink to
struggling in swim put on! As with a lot of Turner movies, Love performs to her off-screen popularity. At this level, she had
survived the Johnny Stompanato scandal and made an enormous comeback in Imitation of Life. Turner had appeared
in a lot of attractive soaps taking part in up her femme fatale persona. Love was maybe the gaudiest, however the
largest was simply across the nook, Madame
X
. Lana is softly lensed in Love by
MGM veteran Joseph Ruttenberg.

Lana Turner & Hugh O’Brian have a tan-off happening in “Love Has Many Faces.”


Lana was in nice
trim, borderline skinny and tremendous tan, with platinum hair. Acapulco was
Lana’s playground on the time, so she was fairly at dwelling within the milieu of solar
and “enjoyable.” Lana’s costumes are borderline drag queen however swimsuit this film simply
tremendous.

Lana Turner’s about to have a tough encounter with a bull, and I do not imply
Hugh O’Brian, in “Love Has Many Faces.”


Lana postures differ
between world-weary and worrisome. This film tries to have its cake and eat
it, too. Savor the sinning, adopted by uplifting remorse! Cliff Robertson,
who suffers from vendor’s regret to Lana, is a sullen unhappy sack. Hugh O’Brian
has enjoyable along with his position of the unhealthy boy seashore boy. And he definitely would not thoughts
exhibiting what the nice Lord gave him. Ruth Roman’s no-nonsense wealthy broad is a
little bit of contemporary air on this salacious cleaning soap. In all of the publicity pix with Hugh O’Brian and his cougar Roman, she appears
like she’s about to claw him.

Wyatt Earp by no means dressed like this! Hugh O’Brian is a cynical gigolo with a seashore bod.


The story is as slight
as Lana’s determine, however the finale is a hoot. As Cliff’s saved hubby is drawn to
Powers pure bred lady, Lana’s Package will get in a snit and lets herself get gored by
a bull… symbolism anybody? Nonetheless, there is a completely happy ending for Lana in Love Has Many Faces, and that does not
imply Turner’s Package now has two navels!

Joan’s Shut-up

Joan Crawford provides Jeff Chandler her patented stare in “Feminine on the Seaside.”


In Feminine on the Seaside,
Joan Crawford’s Lynn Markham reveals as much as reclaim her seashore abode. The cops are
investigating the crime scene down on the seashore, whereas the realtor and her crew
are busily cleansing up the mess inside. That is pre-CSI/Regulation and Order, for positive. Love Joan’s facet eye because the realtor and
crew attempt to do a fast cleanup, necessitated after the final tenant’s very abrupt departure.

Greater than a fleeting look of Joan hitching up her panties to her child doll nightie!

Now Joan’s Lynn is able to greet the day! 1955’s “Feminine on the Seaside!”


As with many latter day Joan Crawford autos, her
character provides slightly speech rationalizing why she’s turn into such a tricky
broad. Right here, Lynn tells the story of sharing a room with two different sisters—sob! She tells the seashore cop that she’s longed to
be alone in a giant home similar to her seashore digs.

Whereas Lana flaunts a Coppertone tan in her seashore cleaning soap, Joan reveals off her gams
in “Feminine on the Seaside.” The serving to hand is Jeff Chandler’s!


When native gigolo Drummy wakes up Joan’s Lynn early within the
a.m, I half anticipated her to yowl, “Christopher, Tina, dammmm-it!” Jeff
Chandler’s Drummy quickly finds out that Lynn prefers her morning deep brewed flay-vah
alone!

One among many Joan’s camp basic strains from “Feminine on the Seaside!”


After someday of intoning that she desires to be alone extra
than Garbo in Grand Resort, Lynn’s
second night finds her lonely and bored. In her new digs, she’s moping round
in a cocktail gown with a drink, moodily listening to the film’s sultry
soundtrack. Lastly Lynn grabs her jeweled sweater and goes for a seashore stroll
in ankle strap heels, like several of us would do. Recognizing Drummy toiling on his
parked boat, she climbs aboard. After some acidic banter, they kiss, with
additional turgid dialogue.

Joan’s “specialty dancer” in slightly fancy seashore put on in “Feminine on the Seaside.”
 By some means, I do not her “specialty” was the Charleston!


The following day Lynn will get invited to dinner and playing cards by
Drummy’s older buddies. Watching Feminine on
the Seaside
, I had a psychological picture of Natalie Schaefer’s husband right here performed
by Gilligan’s Island co-star Jim
Backus, as a substitute of Cecil Kellaway. Image Lovey and Thurston Howell as gigolo
pimps!

Cecil Kellaway & Natalie Schaefer as Jeff Chandler’s “pals” in “Feminine on the Seaside.”


It’s a cold beachfront morning, however Joan’s widow is clad
in solely a coat, skimpy shorts, and excessive heels! As she stokes a hearth, a brick in
the hearth comes unfastened. Like one thing out of Nancy Drew, Lynn pulls it
out to search out late tenant Eloise Crandall’s diary. How does she know?  As a result of it says so, in large block letters!
Like all previous films, the handwriting appears like over-sized cursive
workouts. And shock, Crandall’s story of romance with Drummy appears acquainted!

Love how Jan Sterling’s realtor rushes the maid previous dwelling proprietor Joan Crawford,
 with the proof from the earlier tenant, in “Feminine on the Seaside!”


Each time Lynn fights with Drummy, she hits the bottle and
turns right into a wretched mess. After
the final time Drummy would not name, Lynn goes on a bender.
She staggers round in a nightie with a Peter Pan collar
and puffed sleeves, knocks over ashtrays, and slurs insults. However the minute he calls, she’s sober and in blissfully
in love once more. Reunited, they each let down their butch hair to reveal their
sorry pasts.

Joan Crawford as plastered and pouting Lynn Markham shouldn’t be a reasonably sight in
 “Feminine on The Seaside!”


Although Joan’s
“specialty dancer” was solely married to her “enterprise man” a scant
half dozen years, she did not know a lot about life when she met him… implying
that she was a shallow younger lady. Uh, Joan’s 50ish right here! Chandler’s Drummy
possesses fairly the pretend scar, courtesy from his suicidal mom.

Joan Crawford’s Lynn, in her extra tender moments, with Jeff Chandler’s gigolo,
in 1955’s “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Earlier than they head off
on his boat to get hitched, it is Sterling’s Amy who now will get to make a sloppy
drunken scene over Drummy. On their approach, a contrived plot machine causes Joan to
mistrust her man once more. Which leads
to the climax the place latter day Joan as soon as once more goes mano-a-mano in opposition to her
main man. The film wraps up in dime retailer novel style and Joan would not
even get gored by a bull—except you rely Jeff Chandler!

No, Joan would not get gored by a bull in her seashore opera! “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Jeff Chandler as gigolo Drummy, the manwich for the “Feminine on the Seaside.”


Feminine on the Seaside may very well be titled The Three Faces of Joan. Joan’s Lynn is alternately: the iron-clad
widow; the boozy, suspicious lady; and the nice and cozy lady in love. Viewers
can get whiplash attempting to maintaining. However like a lot of Joan Crawford’s latter
day autos, it is simply an excuse for Joan to run by her biggest hits of
film posturing. Jeff Chandler holds his personal in opposition to Crawford, alternately
attractive and sinister. And Jeff’s a hunk of silver fox, as well.

Jeff Chandler’s Drummy, judging Joan’s alternative of studying materials or hair-do?
1955’s “Feminine within the Seaside.”

Ultimate Rating

Each Love Has Many Faces and Feminine on the Seaside are campier than
Halloween at Cher’s home, however I give Joan’s bitchy seashore cleaning soap the sting. Whereas Love has many eye-rolling moments, Seaside has so many howler strains that it’s
just about a Carol Burnett parody of a Joan Crawford film. On a excessive camp
stage, each women’ star autos are additionally extremely satisfying.

The winner! This “Feminine on the Seaside” will get her completely happy ending!

Right here is my take a look at
Lana’s final and biggest comeback, Imitation
of Life
:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2017/12/imitation-of-life-1959.html

Right here
is my tackle considered one of Joan Crawford’s most sympathetic latter day roles, with
Cliff Robertson, in Autumn Leaves:

https://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/2022/09/crawfords-latter-day-best-autumn-leaves.html

Charles Busch line: “White is, in spite of everything, the standard shade of mourning
in India.” Package Jordan & hubby Pete attend her newest boy toy’s funeral
in 1965’s “Love Has Many Faces.”